8.2.2013 | 19:00, BLOCK 336
Visitors to the Clinker Babbage performance were provided with the following information:
Congratulations on being invited to this CLINKER BABBAGE performance. If you have not been informed that you are a ‘participant’ in the musical ensemble, you should consider yourself an ‘observer’. During the performance ‘observers’ may be selected for promotion to the status of ‘participant’. Promotion will be indicated by the presentation of a blindfold and possibly an instrument. New ‘participants’ should then expect to receive instructions from CLINKER BABBAGE (see instructions below). Please acquaint yourself with the following rules:
1. Blindfolds must be worn by ‘participants’ at all times during the performance.
2. There will be no noise during the performance which is not created by an ‘instrument’1. Do not talk.
3. Silence must be observed until ‘participants’ are instructed otherwise by CLINKER BABBAGE.
4. Instructions will only be issued via The hand of BABBAGE or CLINKER’S whistles (see instructions below).
5. The hand of BABBAGE and CLINKER’S whistles must be obeyed at all times.
6. The ‘participants’ input will be sympathetic with the existing noise as it occurs – play in time, play in tune.
7. The following principles of noise should be obeyed by ‘participants’: a) Noise created by an ‘instrument’ should not under any circumstances be a ‘chord’.
b) Single notes only may be played one at a time, preferably in succession, and in a repetitive manner.
c) Nothing overly complicated should be played which may confuse the less gifted members of the ensemble..
d) When playing percussive instruments anything considered as ‘fancy’ or ‘show offy’ should be disregarded.
e) Any music previously played or from an existing song is strictly forbidden. New music only.
8. There is no such thing as a mistake.
9. When mistakes do occur they will be dealt with in a disciplinary manner.
10. CLINKER BABBAGE should not be addressed verbally or otherwise prior to, during or post performance.
The violation of any rule will result in instant dismissal and prohibition of admittance from any future CLINKER BABBAGE performance. Your compliance is gratefully expected.
Instructions to be issued via The hand of BABBAGE:
A touch on the forehead indicates the ‘participant’s’ required participation – begin the noise procedure as outlined in Rule 7 (applying the listed principles). A second touch on the forehead indicates an end to the ‘participant’s’ required participation – discontinue the noise procedure as outlined in Rule 7 (having applied the listed principles). A touch on the ear indicates a required increase in volume. A touch on the chin indicates that vocal input is required (see footnote 1, subsection A).
A stroke on the thigh should be considered as an affectionate gesture and therefore suspect. Brace yourself.
Instructions to be issued via CLINKER’S whistles:
– The sound of a train whistle signals a required increase in tempo. The sound of a duck whistle signals a required increase in enthusiasm. The intermittent sound of a goose-being-punched horn signals that the performance will shortly begin. The sustained sound of a goose-being-punched horn signals that the performance will shortly end.
Keep it simple and conduct yourself with adequate decorum. We hope that your experience is a pleasant one.
FOOTNOTE: The term ‘instrument’ refers to any object or collection of objects which when hit / blown / plucked / strummed or amplified via electronic equipment makes noise or noises.
A The larynx will be considered an ‘instrument’ if used for singing / chanting / and or humming – the use of recognisable language is strictly forbidden. Expression via the medium of animal or inanimate object sound effects is encouraged (whistling may be allowed with prior consideration).
The rules listed hereinbefore are under constant review and subject to change depending on circumstance. CLINKER BABBAGE reserves the right to apply flexibility to the rules as is seen fit by a majority decision. Where disputes occur democratic principles should be applied. CLINKER BABBAGE reserves the right to veto any decision or decisions deemed not beneficial to CLINKER BABBAGE. All decisions made by CLINKER BABBAGE are final. All rules listed on this page are definitive.